Another year has come and gone, and to honest I can’t say that I am sad to see it go. This has been one of the worst years of my life. In the course of one year
1. I have lost my job and had to take a another job with a HUGE difference in pay
2. Patrick and I broke up and shattered any dreams of building a life with him and his family
3. I have found myself in a financial bind that seems like a bottomless pit
4. I had a huge scare when it appeared that Will was beginning to lost his response to Oxandrolone which prompted a round of visit to several of the transplant centers to discuss next steps
5. I have gained over 30lbs mostly due to stress and coming off of my antidepressants and hardly have anything that fits
6. I have started a new job that has an unbelievable amount of stress and uncertainty
7. I have broken my laptop
8. I have had numerous things around the house to break including the oven, dishwasher, front glass door, weather stripping, and more I am sure.
9. I was unable to go to VDC, which is something I was so looking forward too
10. I was introduced to the wonderful world of COBRA!!!
11. and to top it all off I have found myself in such a rut in my relationship with God that I am not sure how to overcome
Needless to say it’s been on hell of a year!
I know what most will say, focus on the positive and think about all the great things I do have for example I have two beautiful children who love me so much. Will is doing so great with the increase in his dosage that his counts are better than expected. I have a lot to be thankful for and please don’t get me wrong, I AM SO GRATEFUL but sometimes you just need to sulk a little and have a “why me” heart to heart with yourself. I think reflecting on what I will call one of the worst years ever will ultimate help me regroup and focus on how to move forward.
So what’s the motto going to be for 2009? Feeling Fine in 2009? Let It Shine in 09? Speak Your Mind in 2009? Let’s Realign in 09? Or maybe “Drink More Wine in 2009!?!
Whatever the motto is, I am looking forward to moving on because no matter what they say it wasn’t all that great in 2008!
Happy New Year!
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
Happy Holidays
I can't believe tomorrow is Christmas Eve! This season has been unlike any other, and it seems that I have not really had time to enjoy the holiday time like I usually do. I absolutely love Christmas. I love everything about it. I love shopping for the people I care about the most, and bringing joy to others. I usually have cards ready to go by December 1st and by this time we have usually gone to McAdenville at least 5 - 10 times and either driven or walked through. So far we have rode through once.
In the past when I was with the bank, we are usually slow and by December 15th it is quite and pretty much dead. I forgot what working in a Hotel was like during the Holidays and how it is rush rush with no time to do anything other than work. I have NEVER, and mean NEVER worked on Christmas, but this Christmas morning I will be in my office putting in my four hours in order to get paid. Same goes for Christmas Eve. I will be working until 4pm, after which we will rush to visit friends and then rush to Church.
My favorite service is the Christmas Eve candle light service. We always try to attend the late service. To me there is nothing quite like going to church on Christmas Eve, knowing that when it is over it is Christmas Day. I love singing Silent Night and seeing all the candles glowing. There is a peacefulness about that I am hoping I feel this year, since there hasn't been a lot of peacefulness lately.
I am trying so hard to have a good attitude and get in the spirit, but it is really difficult with all the stress. I somehow have to find a way to find that special place inside that I am missing. Seems like there is a lot missing, but I have to focus on the positive because in reality there is a lot of positive.
My kids are happy and we have such a great bond. My son is healthy and once again by the grace of God his counts are climbing upward. A friend of mine was visiting at my house and she commented on how much love there is in my home. I felt so bad for sometimes forgetting that, and for letting "life" get in the way. It's powerful to hear that from someone who comes in from the outside and looks in.
I hope everyone has a very Merry Christmas and a Happy Healthy New Year! I hope we can all learn how to slow down and live life and really enjoy it without all the distractions. I am going to make a commit to myself to get back to being ME and that starts by renewing my relationship with God.
I feel like I have lost myself along the way and in doing so I have lost a lot of what is important. I am not sure how, but somehow I am going to get back to that place....the 4th day.
GLYASDI,
Kayla
In the past when I was with the bank, we are usually slow and by December 15th it is quite and pretty much dead. I forgot what working in a Hotel was like during the Holidays and how it is rush rush with no time to do anything other than work. I have NEVER, and mean NEVER worked on Christmas, but this Christmas morning I will be in my office putting in my four hours in order to get paid. Same goes for Christmas Eve. I will be working until 4pm, after which we will rush to visit friends and then rush to Church.
My favorite service is the Christmas Eve candle light service. We always try to attend the late service. To me there is nothing quite like going to church on Christmas Eve, knowing that when it is over it is Christmas Day. I love singing Silent Night and seeing all the candles glowing. There is a peacefulness about that I am hoping I feel this year, since there hasn't been a lot of peacefulness lately.
I am trying so hard to have a good attitude and get in the spirit, but it is really difficult with all the stress. I somehow have to find a way to find that special place inside that I am missing. Seems like there is a lot missing, but I have to focus on the positive because in reality there is a lot of positive.
My kids are happy and we have such a great bond. My son is healthy and once again by the grace of God his counts are climbing upward. A friend of mine was visiting at my house and she commented on how much love there is in my home. I felt so bad for sometimes forgetting that, and for letting "life" get in the way. It's powerful to hear that from someone who comes in from the outside and looks in.
I hope everyone has a very Merry Christmas and a Happy Healthy New Year! I hope we can all learn how to slow down and live life and really enjoy it without all the distractions. I am going to make a commit to myself to get back to being ME and that starts by renewing my relationship with God.
I feel like I have lost myself along the way and in doing so I have lost a lot of what is important. I am not sure how, but somehow I am going to get back to that place....the 4th day.
GLYASDI,
Kayla
Monday, December 1, 2008
This site is my saving grace......
It's kind of nice to have a place where I can just be me, and not have to worry about who is or is not reading this. For example, I was going through some of Will's older journal posting, and I realized that many of them were very negative and filled with MY fears. They didn't really focus on Will that much. That why I decided to create my own Blog Spot, so I can say what I want, when I want and not worry about cluttering up Will's site with my opinions.
I have found myself in a really "rut" lately that I can't seem to get myself out of. I have found that over the past few months I have started eating a lot more, I am watching way more TV and I am spending way to my money (when I have it). My daily routine is eat and lay on the couch and watch reality shows that I could really care less about. My doctor told me last month that I have gained 30lbs since last year......and yet I keep shoveling it in! No motavation! No get-up-and-go! No Nothing.......
So yesterday I went to the YMCA to fill out the paper work to change my membership status. I have deffered it for four months in order to save money. I was going to cancel it, but the truth is I love going....when I can get my butt off the couch long enough to find my tennis shoes! So here is the deal.....I am giving myself three months. Begining today, I have until March 1st to get in gear. If I cannot or will not make the much needed changes then I will drop my memebership.
So my plan is to workout at LEAST three times a week (more would be great, but three is pushing it) and see what happens. I am not going to say I am giving up certain foods, so I am going to say I will "cut back" as much as possible. To be honest......along with hoping to fit back into my cute clothes, I REALLY just want to feel better. I have NO energy and no desire to do anything. So we will see what happens during the next three months.
Work is getting better. I have found that the less information I give about Will and our situation the better. They have no idea what all is going on inside my head and how many different directions I feel pulled in. The important thing is I go to work, I do my job well, and I stay off the radar.
Will is doing pretty good. He had a virus of some sort last week, and gave me a scare when he spiked a fever, but he is okay. I know how dangerous a serious infection can be right now so keeping him healthy is top priority. However that is pretty hard to do when he refuses to eat anything. I am hoping that things will change with Basketball season just around the corner. That is the one thing that seems to get him motivated. He will be playing on two different teams this year - one at his school and one at the YMCA. He is very excited.
Enough for today.....I will chat with you later.......
I have found myself in a really "rut" lately that I can't seem to get myself out of. I have found that over the past few months I have started eating a lot more, I am watching way more TV and I am spending way to my money (when I have it). My daily routine is eat and lay on the couch and watch reality shows that I could really care less about. My doctor told me last month that I have gained 30lbs since last year......and yet I keep shoveling it in! No motavation! No get-up-and-go! No Nothing.......
So yesterday I went to the YMCA to fill out the paper work to change my membership status. I have deffered it for four months in order to save money. I was going to cancel it, but the truth is I love going....when I can get my butt off the couch long enough to find my tennis shoes! So here is the deal.....I am giving myself three months. Begining today, I have until March 1st to get in gear. If I cannot or will not make the much needed changes then I will drop my memebership.
So my plan is to workout at LEAST three times a week (more would be great, but three is pushing it) and see what happens. I am not going to say I am giving up certain foods, so I am going to say I will "cut back" as much as possible. To be honest......along with hoping to fit back into my cute clothes, I REALLY just want to feel better. I have NO energy and no desire to do anything. So we will see what happens during the next three months.
Work is getting better. I have found that the less information I give about Will and our situation the better. They have no idea what all is going on inside my head and how many different directions I feel pulled in. The important thing is I go to work, I do my job well, and I stay off the radar.
Will is doing pretty good. He had a virus of some sort last week, and gave me a scare when he spiked a fever, but he is okay. I know how dangerous a serious infection can be right now so keeping him healthy is top priority. However that is pretty hard to do when he refuses to eat anything. I am hoping that things will change with Basketball season just around the corner. That is the one thing that seems to get him motivated. He will be playing on two different teams this year - one at his school and one at the YMCA. He is very excited.
Enough for today.....I will chat with you later.......
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